Monogamy, my failure to sustain it, has caused me nothing but trouble throughout my life...think track record. I have attempted heterosexual monogamy since puberty and failed miserably. That is very possibly because I was attempting heterosexual anything. My failure caused pain for both my erstwhile partners and for me. Self-imposed pain is mine to deal with, but I cannot so easily dismiss pain I caused others…think bad karma.
Entering the seventh decade of my life, my impulse is to eschew monogamy altogether. That impulse flies in the face of conventional wisdom which dictates that as we age, we must have a partner to take care of us. I am luckier than most in that I believe I have a safety net. They say it takes a village to nurture a child; I hope it also takes a village to nurture an old dude.
That said, I must identify characteristics of a relationship that I do want. Internet hook-up sites abound with relationship descriptions and acronyms: no strings attached (NSA), long-term relationship (LTR), closed-loop relationships (CLR) for married men, fuck-buddies, friends with benefits and the rest. Since monogamy doesn’t blow my skirt up, which of these suits me?
Furthermore, since I started writing this, events outpaced me. That is to say, I started about monogamy--or not--but before I finished writing, I expanded my understanding of what gay relationships can be. Now I must apply new considerations; with new understanding, should I, would I, could I be monogamous?
I think down the road, maybe so. But admittedly monogamy is not who I am right now, nor is it consistent with my progression out of the closet. It would be self-defeating to jump into monogamy before I learn more about who I am as a gay man.
Conversely, being a gay boyfriend with someone whom I care about could be the most fulfilling relationship a gay man could experience. I would be foolish to deny the wonderful potential such a relationship represents. It would depend on a lot of stuff I don't as yet understand.
Entering the seventh decade of my life, my impulse is to eschew monogamy altogether. That impulse flies in the face of conventional wisdom which dictates that as we age, we must have a partner to take care of us. I am luckier than most in that I believe I have a safety net. They say it takes a village to nurture a child; I hope it also takes a village to nurture an old dude.
That said, I must identify characteristics of a relationship that I do want. Internet hook-up sites abound with relationship descriptions and acronyms: no strings attached (NSA), long-term relationship (LTR), closed-loop relationships (CLR) for married men, fuck-buddies, friends with benefits and the rest. Since monogamy doesn’t blow my skirt up, which of these suits me?
Furthermore, since I started writing this, events outpaced me. That is to say, I started about monogamy--or not--but before I finished writing, I expanded my understanding of what gay relationships can be. Now I must apply new considerations; with new understanding, should I, would I, could I be monogamous?
I think down the road, maybe so. But admittedly monogamy is not who I am right now, nor is it consistent with my progression out of the closet. It would be self-defeating to jump into monogamy before I learn more about who I am as a gay man.
Conversely, being a gay boyfriend with someone whom I care about could be the most fulfilling relationship a gay man could experience. I would be foolish to deny the wonderful potential such a relationship represents. It would depend on a lot of stuff I don't as yet understand.
I have no doubt that things will proceed apace, but I know the thousand-pound gorilla won’t long remain, sitting out there in the middle of the room.
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