I articulate this first effort with care. Yes, it will be a bit edgy, as might be expected from a gay man coming out of the closet for the second--presumably last--time in almost sixty years of life. Coming out is a real process this time; journaling is part of that process and blogging is part of the journal.
How do you come out of the closet twice? First time around, I didn't know I was in a closet and so never made a conscious effort to come out. Back then life was simple and I always took my, uh...diverse sexuality for granted. I was what I was. But then time and life changed, and without knowing it, I stepped into the closet and closed the door.
Every gay guy who has spent time in the closet lives with the duplicity of his action. Whether or not he acknowledges his own homosexuality, he knows something is different. Homophobia is pervasive, worst of all in his own head. If he chooses to come out or otherwise gets kicked out of the closet, it is difficult but liberating.
I suppose it is my karma that gay as I am, and since I didn't have to sweat it the first time, it is appropriate that I come out now. This time it isn't simple; I enjoy--if that is the right word--thirty years of added perspective. There is a lot to think about and although I am mostly loving the honesty and liberation, it isn't all smooth sailing. I don't take any of it for granted. Some of all that will cross these pages.
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